The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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