Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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