why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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