so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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