i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
