And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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