in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
