Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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