how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
