What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
