suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
