Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
