I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
