Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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