i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize