I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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