you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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