i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
