Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize