I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
