Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
