Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
