Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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