That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
