Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
