he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
