i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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