playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
