Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
