Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
