You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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