Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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