Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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