i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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