why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
