I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
