Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
