i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
