I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
last night I used snow as a chaser
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