you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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