Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
