YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
