I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
