this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
