Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
