I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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