According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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