I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My bed smells like the plague
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