i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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