I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
