NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
