I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
