Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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