There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
