So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Found the puke drawer
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
