I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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