proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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