If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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