i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
