Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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