Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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