Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
