walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
