just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
