Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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