Fuck appropriateness.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
