Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
