Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
