I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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