this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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