Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
