There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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