I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
