and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
