Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
