I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
