I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize