so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
