I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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