I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
