I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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