glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
