hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
