Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
