So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
