This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
