So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
