Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
