Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
