The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
