I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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